by Miss What's-Your-Name-Again?
Dear Powers That Be,
I received my brand new, government-issued substitute teacher badge in the mail today. It is a full inch larger on all sides, going from being a small annoyance to a giant, screaming red flag announcing: I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON; FEEL FREE TO USE THAT TO YOUR ADVANTAGE.
I have decided to politely return it and, in its stead, paint a very large bullseye on my back. Then at least I won’t have to worry about remembering to grab the fucking thing out of my glove compartment every morning.